Seeing Loss in a Different Light – My Miscarriage Story

When I was young, I loved having baby dolls and playing house, just like most girls. I would change the baby’s diaper, feed, put cute clothes on them, walk them around the house in a stroller and put them down for naps. Boy was that the easiest parenting experience ever! By the age of 12 I already had my first babysitting job, which was the beginning of many more to come. I love kids so much and couldn’t wait for the day I had my own. So you can imagine how I felt when my husband and I found out I was pregnant in September 2014. It was a scary and exciting time for us as we hadn’t planned the pregnancy. I had just started a new job 2 weeks prior to finding out and at this point I was almost 6 weeks along. Mild pregnancy symptoms began; nausea, some cramping and tiredness. Eventually the cramping became worse and consistent. I felt like something was wrong. One week later I left work and went straight to the hospital with my husband. We went through the dreaded wait in the emergency room. After blood work, a sonogram and 8 hours in the emergency room, we were finally told that though my HGC levels seemed normal, they only saw a gestational sac. There was no baby, heartbeat or yoke sac. So I was pregnant, but the baby stopped developing some point after implantation. The doctor who delivered the news was very unsympathetic. She said that I had miscarried however my body hadn’t reacted as of yet. She advised that I go to Plan Parenthood to get a D&C. I was heartbroken and immediately broke down crying. Her response was “You guys are young”. Definitely not something you care to hear in that moment. 

The confusion and sadness we felt that night could not be explained. My mom was emotional too, but she shared with me that maybe it wasn’t meant to be and thankfully I found out early and it wasn’t something I had to suffer with being further along. My response in the heat of my confusion and frustration was “If it wasn’t meant to be then why would God allow me to get pregnant?” Sure experiencing it early on may have not been as hard when comparing to others who have suffered later in pregnancy or even during birth, but regardless it was still emotionally painful.  

I went on the next two weeks with doctor’s visits just to make sure there wasn’t a delay in seeing the baby or anything else. By the time I was 9 weeks along my body still hadn’t miscarried on its own and so I scheduled the D&C. I was so emotional and in pain after the procedure. Recovery was harder than expected for me. I had to go in one week later for a follow up. I explained I still didn’t feel right. They saw that I still had tissue and blood clots that weren’t completely removed. That same day I’m back in for another D&C. I couldn’t help but have the question “why me?” constantly in my head. On a follow up visit the doctor confirmed it was a “healthy male”. What this meant was based on the chromosome test they did, they were able to confirm that there was no chemical imbalance that could have caused the miscarriage. The doctor went on to explain that it was one those things that “just happens”. I was in complete shock as we were hoping for a boy and had no idea when getting the results that they would tell be the sex of the baby.

After about 4-6 weeks, I eventually got back to life as usual. One day a friend of mine came by to visit. While we were talking she asked how I was feeling about the miscarriage at that point. I told her that I felt upset and confused as to why I had to go through all this especially when I just started a job and was worried that I could have lost it with how much I was out because of everything that happened. She listened and sympathized however she said something to me that I’ve never been able to forget and still apply it to many situations or trials I go through. She said, “You never know if maybe you will be able to relate to someone else who has gone through the same thing and you can help them through it”. My mind was blown and my heart instantly began to soften while processing what she said.  

There were a few times I prayed and hoped that God would bless us with a son to replace the one that we lost. Four months later I became pregnant and found out it was a boy! We were so excited. Shortly after I found out that another friend of mine’s sister in law and brother had just lost their first baby and she was 10 weeks along. I immediately remembered the words that my friend said to me. I thought to myself, “Wow, would God really use what I went through to relate to someone close to me so soon after?” When I was about 7 months along my friend’s brother came to visit her. When I went over the house we embraced with a hug like we would have normally done, but immediately I felt his hurt as his wife and I would have been just a couple weeks apart. He became very emotional and in that moment I understood how he felt. We shed some tears and I told him “I understand”. We began to speak about our experiences. If I hadn’t experienced what I went through I wouldn’t have been able to relate to his emotions in that moment or even help. I don’t believe God causes bad situations, as that contradicts His character. Instead I believe when something unfortunate or disappointing happens for whatever reason it may be, He can turn that situation into comfort for us, a better understanding of our need/ dependence on Him, as well as be there to comfort and guide others. Things aren’t always as they seem and when we’re hurting emotionally, physically or mentally, God wants us to lean on Him and also uses us for when someone needs leaning. “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

I hope more than anything, regardless of what you’re going through you, that you see God and your situation in a different light. Losing a child whether born or unborn isn’t easy and those who have gone through it more than once, probably feel like an old wound that keeps opening back up and never getting easier. Sometimes the added stress, worry and fear make our situation worse. I encourage you to pray, have faith and trust Him. It’s not always easy, but He will comfort you and answer you in His perfect timing. If you are currently hurting over a similar experience and want prayer, feel free to comment below or email me. I am happy to pray over you. 

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